Now and Then (Dare to Love #3) Page 12

  Only as soon as the thought crossed her mind, she realized how unfair it was. Yes, the boy she’d fallen in love with ten years ago had lived a charmed life. But the man he was now knew loss and heartbreak. He’d had not one of his parents ripped away from him without warning, but both of them taken the same night.

  Yes, Ford knew life wasn’t always fair—but when it came to men like her father and the kind of trouble they brought with them, he had no experience.

  And as far as not being afraid, well, that was a beautiful dream. But she would always be afraid. A part of her would always be waiting for the other shoe to drop. Or rather, she’d be afraid until the day the man who gave her life lost his own. And even as tough as being his daughter had been, the things she’d had to give up, the people, including Ford—she could never wish for Danny’s death.

  “Ford, you can’t fix this.” She needed him to understand. And then she needed him to let her go. “No one can.”

  “Yeah, how many people have you let try?” he shot back, bristling with frustration.

  She blinked, felt the sickening drop in her belly that always accompanied memories of Carl. “Just one. Carl.”

  The lines across Ford’s brow deepened. “Carl?”

  It had been such a mistake from the start. “It was after we’d broken up. I was working as a waitress and there was this guy who came in for lunch a few times a week. A cop. He liked me.” She swallowed, forcing herself to remember his sweet face, the pride with which he wore that shiny badge, and then the moment she looked at the poor guy and wondered if maybe being with a guy like him would be enough to keep her dad out of her life.

  “I shouldn’t have gone out with him. But I was still pretty young. Just nineteen. Angry at the way my life never felt like my own. Desperate to—I don’t know, just stop worrying. And here was this guy who had the law on his side. And he wanted to take me out to a movie. So I said yes and we started to date.”

  “He knew about your dad?”

  “I’d told him we didn’t get along. That he was trouble. But it wasn’t until Danny showed up at the restaurant on a day Carl was there for lunch that he found out the rest. My dad was all bruised up, bleeding. He’d sort of cornered me at the back of the restaurant, asking about the cash register and how much money we carried, when Carl got to him.” She’d thought he was so confident, so strong, when with one arm and all that authority he’d had Danny backed up against the wall, stammering out an apology before he bolted for the door. “I told him the rest that night, and Carl said he’d take care of it. He was going to talk to my dad. Just talk. Make it clear I had the PD on my side, and whatever he was into, it better not touch me.”

  Ford took a deep breath. “How’d that go?”

  “I didn’t see him again for three days. No phone calls or texts. I already knew I’d made a mistake. I couldn’t sleep or eat, and then finally Carl showed up at my parents’ place. Only he wasn’t the same guy I’d said goodbye to. One of his front teeth was missing, his nose was set and he was walking with a limp, but it was his eyes that broke my heart. It was like someone had snuffed out the light in them. I reached out, but he wouldn’t let me touch him—he just kept taking one unsteady step back after another as he broke up with me. I begged him to tell me what happened, and then I heard my father behind me. He was leaning up against the door with his arms crossed, shaking his head. He looked at Carl and told him he was sorry to hear about the mugging, and he hoped Carl’s little sister was recovering.”

  She’d thought she was going to be sick, right there. She’d turned back to Carl and his eyes had been glittering.

  “Carl turned for the sidewalk and at the last second my dad called out to him, telling him to look on the bright side—at least his mother hadn’t been there. Carl was a cop, Ford. He’d tried to help me and he’d ended up totally defeated. Timothy O’Shea’s guys—the ones who’d been roughing up my dad for years, the ones who kept loaning him the money—took care of him. Because that’s the kind of symbiotic dysfunction that exists between them. There were no arrests. No questions. No more Carl nosing around.” She took a breath and tried to swallow past that too tight feeling in her throat. Tried to ignore the way her heart was breaking as she looked into the face of the only man she’d ever loved. “Now do you understand? Now do you see why I can’t let you play any kind of part in this?”

  Ford swore. Then, pulling her into his arms, he held her tight. “I’m sorry, Brynn. So sorry.”

  She was, too.

  —

  “You don’t have to say it like I’m asking you to give up McDonald’s,” Ford snapped five minutes later as he followed her down the hall, trying not to enjoy too much the sight of her wrapped in nothing but a bedsheet. There were bigger issues on the table tonight.

  “Move in with you?” she choked out again, looking back, her hand still flat over her heart and what could only be described as cold panic filling her eyes. “Ford, I’m not moving in with you, I’m breaking up with you!”

  No. She wasn’t.

  He wanted to keep her safe. Now that he knew exactly what kind of threat her dad just existing posed to her, Ford was about losing his shit thinking about Brynn being vulnerable in any way. About her living alone. About the idea of losing her again, and God forbid it being the kind of loss he couldn’t overcome after a mere ten years apart. A loss there was no coming back from. One like the loss of his parents.

  The thought alone knotted his gut and had him ready to wrap the woman he loved in bubble wrap and assign a handful of ex–Navy SEALs to keep guard over her twenty-four-seven.

  Because she loved him, and this time around he wasn’t going to let anything get in the way of that.

  “Look, I’m not talking about my building. We’ll get a place in one of those self-contained towers downtown. They’re not as cozy as Wicker Park, but they’ve got security. A guy at the door, a post office and a gym. Private parking,” he continued, reaching for her hand as she erntered her kitchen. “You and me, sharing our breakfasts. Us, falling asleep together each night, but in my awesome king bed instead of your sweet but too small double that isn’t quite long enough for my feet. You doing that little snoring thing in my ear. Me keeping the cabinets stocked with equal rations of snacks and real food.”

  The shock seemed to wear off and Brynn managed to blink and close her mouth. Which now that it wasn’t hanging open like the Bat Cave entrance was way too tempting not to lean into for a quick kiss.

  Damn, she was sweet.

  And shaking her head…laughing to herself. “Why stop there? How about we hire a bulletproof car, maybe have an electric fence installed around the block? I mean since the guy who’s already working two jobs seems to think money’s no object, why not?”

  Right. Still something he needed to tell her.

  “But forget about the practicalities of paying for a place like that,” she went on, ramping up with each word. “What about Ava? What about Maggie? What about Penelope? Ford, you don’t know these people like I do. What about Greenbean and Pinkie!”

  He’d already thought about them. And just as soon as Brynn agreed to let him help her, he’d make a few calls. Then he’d talk to Ava and the others about the security guys who’d be showing up tomorrow. Just to be safe. But for now, first things first.

  “Brynn,” he started, but she was too worked up to listen. Instead she paced from one end of the worn linoleum to the other and turned back into the hall.

  Three seconds later she was back, her eyes nearly as wild as the curls tumbling around her bare shoulders.

  “I have a lease, Ford!”

  And it looked like now was going to be the right time for that talk they hadn’t had yet. About how Ford made his living. And reinvested his earnings. And happened to own the building Brynn lived in.

  On the scale of things they’d covered in the last few hours, this was going to be no big deal. Not at all.

  “Yeah, so, funny thing about that,” he said, pulling at the
suddenly too tight T-shirt collar around his neck. “You don’t actually need to worry about the lease…”

  Chapter 18

  Brynn sucked another breath from the paper bag Ford had shoved in front of her face. She needed to find some kind of calm, only there wasn’t any to be had. Because just when she dared to think that maybe things couldn’t get any worse than they already were—

  “You own my building. This building?” Brynn squeaked again.

  “And a handful of other residential and commercial properties around Wicker Park, as well as—” He cleared his throat. “Yes. I own it. Or I own the company that owns it. But it’s really not that big of a deal.”

  Right. Maybe not when compared to the other bomb he’d dropped in the past five minutes. Hibachi Cannonball.

  Ford wasn’t just some gaming geek working two jobs while he dreamed of creating the next big thing. He’d already done it. When Hibachi Cannonball was released five years before, it became an overnight, international sensation, with enough staying power that even now she couldn’t go more than thirty minutes without hearing someone flipping out over a new level, seeing a kid with a veggie skewer plushie, or catching sight of some reference to the megahit in the media. And that was just one of his games. She’d played Diet Donut Bowler and Wasabi Maze, too, both favorites among the guys on the crew—and they were Ford’s games.

  He was amazing. And if he stayed with her, everything he had worked so hard for, everything he’d accomplished, all of it would be for nothing. Because once her dad got his hooks into him—

  God, what if he’d already seen them together?

  What if he already knew?

  Tossing the paper bag aside, she pushed up from her little spot on the floor where she’d been leaning against the fridge and rushed to the front window, closing the blinds as fast as she could twist that annoying crappy handle.

  No.

  Danny would have said something if he knew about Ford. He’d have wanted her to know. He’d have asked for more money.

  “Brynn, just calm down. The money doesn’t change anything.”

  She wanted to laugh, only there was nothing funny about what this meant.

  “Really,” she asked, turning back to Ford. “Is that why you told me about it the first night?”

  He rubbed at the back of his neck, violently pushing to his feet. “You know what I mean. I don’t tell people about the games because—”

  “It changes things. Makes you a target for certain types of people. People like Danny Ahearne. And I’m betting that’s a lesson you learned pretty quick.” If only he’d learned it better. Well enough to see past this fairy tale he was telling himself about love being enough to protect them from a serial extortionist. From a man who didn’t care enough for his own family to insulate them from the consequences of his actions.

  “Yes, I didn’t tell you right away. But not because I thought it would change you, Brynn. I never thought—”

  “I’m not upset you didn’t tell me.” She shook her head. “I mean I am, but only because I never would have let myself get so close to you if you had.”

  She wished she’d known, just so she could have hugged him and walked away. Run, probably. Left him to the life he’d earned for himself. But instead Ford had gone and done the logical thing, the smart thing, and waited until their feelings were defined. Waited for her to confess to loving him as the man who needed two jobs to stay afloat—though now that she thought about it, that was a conclusion she’d jumped to on her own.

  “Then it’s a good thing I waited,” he stated, arms crossed over his broad chest.

  She shook her head. Ford needed to get out of there. Fast.

  “Whatever you’re thinking, Brynn, stop it,” he said. “The money isn’t going to change us. Except maybe I’ll put some of it to use in getting us clear of your dad’s mess once and for all.”

  He had no idea.

  “Ford, don’t you see? That’s exactly the kind of overconfidence a man like my father loves to see in the next mark. It’s exactly the kind of naïveté guys like Timothy O’Shea find particularly convenient when they’re making their point about how things are going to work. It’s the kind of thinking that put Carl and his sister in the hospital.”

  And he wasn’t listening. “Brynn, I’m begging you. Trust me. I won’t let any of that happen.”

  Her breath hitched as the certainty of the situation settled in her belly like a lead weight. “Here’s what I can trust in: if my father ever gets even an inkling of who you are, he’ll never leave you alone. It’ll be just like when he found out about the money for my education—he won’t stop until he has what he wants. He’ll take bigger and bigger risks, knowing the money is out there and all he has to do is find a weak spot so he can get his hands on it. He’ll do what he always does and borrow from the wrong people. Make bad bets. Screw the wrong guy on some shady business deal and need to pay him back. And then he’ll try to use me as leverage against you. And trust me, the guys he owes know how to get paid back, Ford. He’ll make sure they know about us. And once you give in, he’ll promise and swear it’s the last time. That he’s learned his lesson. But it won’t be and he hasn’t. If I stay with you, he’s going to ruin your life the way he has mine. And that’s not something—”

  “Stop!” he ordered, the single word exploding through the otherwise silent apartment. “Just don’t. I don’t want to hear it. I don’t want you to even think it. We’re in this together now, the way we should have been from the start. You’ve got to believe me, baby. I’m a fucking smart guy with a shit ton of resources at my disposal. I can keep you safe from this. Trust me and I’ll give us the future we should have had.”

  “You can’t,” she said, her voice breaking on a sob. It wasn’t her she was worried about.

  “I’m not letting you go.” He grabbed her shoulders, the rough hold matching his voice. “Do you understand that, Brynn? I lost you once; I won’t lose you again. And I sure as fuck won’t let you leave me so you can deal with the threats and violence your dad brings into your life alone. I lost my parents in the blink of an eye. Not one fucking thing I could have done to save them. And that kills me, but it’s something I’ve learned to live with. With you? If anything happened to you—Christ, don’t you get this?—I couldn’t live with it. I won’t. So tell me we’re on the same page here, Brynn. Tell me that you’re going to let me keep you safe. That you’re going to let me get you out of this.”

  Taking the hard set of his jaw in her palm, she stroked her thumb across his cheek. She loved him. How could she not understand? She felt the same way. Like she’d do anything, take any risk, to keep him safe.

  Pressing a tender kiss to his lips, she nodded. “Okay. I’ll let you keep me safe.”

  —

  It had taken some doing, but in the end, Ford convinced Brynn to come back to his place. She’d agreed to bring most of her clothes with her and once everything was settled, once she saw that she didn’t need to worry about her father anymore, they’d figure out what to do with her apartment and her things. Which meant he’d had some time to make a few calls while she packed. Call in some favors.

  Turned out his Andes climbing buddies couldn’t have been happier to hear from him—shit, they’d been talking about him just that afternoon—and as to getting some security set up? They’d have people in place by the next day. Well-seasoned, discreet, quality guys keeping an eye on Brynn, her mother, her brother, and Ava, Maggie, and Penelope.

  Once they’d settled into his apartment with a Lou Malnati’s sausage, peppers, and onions, Ford had wanted to know more about her past. Her family. At first she resisted, not wanting to dredge up any more unpleasantness, but it was important to him. So he’d pressed and she told him about O’Shea and how growing up, she’d thought of the man like an uncle. She told him about her father and how despite his failings, everyone seemed to love the man. How she’d worshipped him as a child, but as she got older, she hadn’t been able to under
stand the way everyone forgave his every sin when he did so much to hurt the people around him. She told him about her mother and the willing victim she’d made of herself. About the life Brynn had lived up until that point. The real life she’d hidden for so long.

  She gave him the truth about herself.

  She gave him her trust.

  And when he took her to bed that night, laid her back against his sheets, and made love to her, it was the most honest moment of his life. Buried deep within the snug hold of her body, their eyes locked, he told her it was forever. He kissed the tears that slipped from the corners of her eyes as she whispered, “I want that.”

  He’d fallen asleep to her rhythmic breathing against his chest and her promise that she would let him handle her father and O’Shea.

  And then he’d woken up. The clock read 5:07 and his arms were empty. The sheets on Brynn’s side of the bed were cool, the apartment around him silent.

  His heart started to pound as he called her name and shot from the bed. Maybe she hadn’t been able to sleep. Yeah. That was it—she was nervous and she’d gotten up. She probably ended up falling asleep on his couch and when he found her there she was going to be all sexy and sleep rumpled, giving him that shy smile he’d never be able to defend against.

  Only the living room was empty. Like his office and every other inch of his fucking place.

  Including the corner where they’d left the two bags of clothes she’d brought with her from her apartment. The clothes she’d told him she didn’t want to unpack the night before because she was tired.

  Stalking back to the kitchen, he found what he’d knew would be there. The single sheet of paper scrawled in blue ink.

  I meant what I said. I want forever. I wish we could have it. But I love you too much to let you get involved with these people.

  Have a beautiful life, Ford. It will make me happy to know that you do.